oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
