hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
