I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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