half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
