3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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