Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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