I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
