my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
