You smell like stripper and shame
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
