Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
