My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
