once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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