My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
