I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
