I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
