well I can't set my house on fire every night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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