Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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