Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
