Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
