Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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