sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
