hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
