White coat. Heels.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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