i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
