Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
