butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
