i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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