I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
pray to the hookup gods
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
