I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
