Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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