so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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