even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
