he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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