I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
