Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
