Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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