Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
