I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
