i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
