It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
