Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
