They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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