I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
