Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
