get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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