The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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