Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
