idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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