My underwear smells like fireworks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
whose parrot is this?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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