Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I sprained my soul last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
