Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
