the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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