dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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