hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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