i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
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AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sorry about my life...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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