Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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