How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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