He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
