I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
