so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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