I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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