Got a toothbrush?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
