I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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