i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize