He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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