Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
