So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize