so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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