I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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