my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
